Let me preface this entry by saying that in no way do I want this blog to be a depressing day by day account of how Haley and I are doing since Harper died last year. I want to write about everything that happens in our daily lives and from time to time let you know what we(at least I) am feeling in regards to Harper.
Most of the time when you think of firsts and your kids you think of how exciting it will be to see their first smile, crawl, laugh, step, etc. With Bennett it is exactly that way. There is nothing more exciting to me than seeing all of those things on a daily basis from him. With that being said everytime I see Bennett do something it reminds me I never got to see Harper do that same action. I wonder how she would have done it, if she would have done it faster, would she be so wild and curious like he is, basically a million thoughts all at once. This past week my Grandpa died while in the hospital from a myriad of complications. When going to the funeral even though I am pretty much an emotional wreck now with everything that has gone on I didnt think I was going to cry. He lived a great life, was a great Christian man and I probably have never been more certain of a person and if they will be in Heaven than him. After sitting down and singing started and immedietly turned into a blubbering mess and I think it was because this was my first funeral since Harper's. All my thoughts turned to her, I couldnt stop thinking about her. Then stories started being told about my Grandpa and that made me cry harder because for the first time I realized that I didn't have any stories about Harper that could make me laugh. It was like she was here for a minute and then was gone. God has made this experience I believe as easy as he possibly could but there are still those moments that you cant get away from and for me the easiest way to get through is to just embrace it, remember her and then try and move on. I miss her thats for sure, and I am jealous that my Grandpa has already spent a week with her.
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2 comments:
I am so glad you have started this blog. You are so eloquent and through this entire journey I have loved reading your thoughts and insights. We all have a lot to learn from you and I look forward to hearing more of what you have to say (and seeing pictures of that adorable boy!).
Welcome to the world of blogging!! I love reading your thoughts about your family. They are inspiring!!
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